In November 2021, conservative senator Josh Hawley delivered a speech for the National Conservatism Conference outlining the current cultural attack of traditional masculinity. He said, “The Left want to define traditional masculinity as toxic. They want to define the traditional masculine virtues—things like courage, and independence, and assertiveness—as a danger to society.”
Hawley is right. We see it in every facet of our society. Men are battling depression more than ever before. They are addicted to alcohol, pornography, and drugs. They’ve lost purpose and identity. And the world looks on with shrugged shoulders, while families and society suffer.
And this isn’t just a culture problem. It’s a spiritual problem. Satan is also attacking individually. Less men are attending church. They aren’t praying or spiritually leading their families. They suffer from guilt, rejection, and feeling isolated.
These descriptions can seem overwhelming and insurmountable. But I believe there’s a secret weapon to help men fight this battle and win—wives.
Wives can be the support a battle-weary husband needs to keep his strength. There’s a story in Exodus 17:8-16 that illustrates the importance of a friend to help you win the battle.
In the battle of Rephidim, the children of Israel fought the Amalekites. God told Moses to hold his staff in the air. As long as his arms were up, the Israelites prevailed. But when his hands became heavy and began to fall, the Amalekites prevailed.
So Moses’ friends Aaron and Hur supported his arms, giving Moses the strength to hold the staff up high. With their help, Moses held steady until sunset when the Israelites won.
Many years ago, Christian artist Andrew Peterson captures this idea in his song, “Hold Up My Arms.” Peterson compares his need for his wife to hold up his arms in the battles of life, the way Moses needed Aaron and Hur. He writes:
Girl, I’d be lying if I promised you
Every word I ever said was true,
But I can promise you this:
I’m gonna fall—blown over like a ship at sea
By the howling sins of history.
Oh, but don’t you forget …
To hold up my arms
Like Moses in the desert
When the battle ran long
Hold up my arms
We can go at this together
When my arms aren’t strong
Our husbands are in spiritual, mental, and emotional battles every day. The world is throwing everything at them. The world knows their weaknesses as well, if not better, than we do—pornography, workaholism, passivism, violence, shame. The men in our lives only have to open a browser or walk down the street to be assaulted mentally and spiritually.
We women need to understand their struggles, valleys, and hurts. We need to be aware of the weapons that Satan is using against our husbands and do what we can to help them overcome this darkness.
Most importantly, a husband needs to know his wife supports him and stands by his side, even when he lets her down. A man needs to know his wife is for him, not against him. Does your husband know he can find forgiveness in you? Does he know you have his best interest at heart?
Yes, a husband is going to hurt your feelings sometimes. He’s going to mess up. Even a good husband won’t be perfect. But when he lets you down, that’s when he needs your support the most. He needs your listening ear, your forgiveness, and your help.
When a husband has a wife who holds up his arms, like Aaron and Hur, he can win the battle with the world. But when we take away our love and support, the men can’t keep their arms held up for long.
There’s a reason God made men and women to complement each other. One has strengths that the other doesn’t have. And right now, ladies, the men need us to hold them up.