As a young single woman, I spent most of my free time in ministry. When I got engaged, my fiancé was equally involved. During our engagement, we envisioned great plans for us in ministry after we married. We talked about leading small groups for young married couples, perhaps a ministry to singles or engaged couples.
But when we went through premarital counseling our pastor challenged us with this thought—take off a year of ministry and just concentrate on being together. Ministering together was good, he said, but he encouraged us to take this opportunity to learn what it means to be husband and wife.
At first, it didn’t seem right to abandon the activities we were involved in and ignore our desire for serving God. But then we realized we had only ever been involved in singles activities, and that part of our lives was over. It was time to move from single life to married life, and a hard break would launch us into our new lives.
Going Through Withdrawals
At first it was freeing. I had no ministry obligations for the first time in my life. The first few weeks, I did nothing but breath. But then it got hard. I didn’t know how hard that step was going to be. I started feeling guilty, oftentimes shame. I felt like I was disappointing God. I would cry sometimes, wondering if we had done the right thing.
My young husband would stroke my hair and say, “Let’s stick it out and see what happens. In the mean time we’ll pray and see what God wants us to do together. Then when our year is over, we will have the rest of our lives to minister together.” Then he would pray with me and ask God to give us a vision in His time.
We spent most of our year together going on dates, having long talks, traveling the mid-south where we live, and planning our lives together. I set up house and read books on marriage and what it means to be a godly wife.
A Year Well Spent
It was during that year that we became best friends and found a syncopation in our relationship. By taking out all the distractions, we could focus on and discover how to serve each other.
In reality, we weren’t giving up ministry at all, but we were learning what it means to minister to one another. Had we not stopped all those activities, there would have been no room for that kind of quality time together.
In Ephesians 5, the apostle Paul explains the workings of healthy matrimony. He doesn’t tell us to join every ministry opportunity available through the church, but instead he tells husbands to love their wives and wives to respect and submit to their husbands. It’s through that display of harmony that the relationship between Christ and the church is exhibited.
Even Moses supported the ideas of newlyweds establishing a relationship. Deuteronomy 24:5 encouraged newlywed men in Israel not to “go out with the army nor be charged with any duty” but to be “free at home one year and give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.”
Building a Ministry Together
When our year ended, we were back into ministry. I tried out for the worship band, and soon after that my husband was charged with the early morning greeting team. We were also asked to take over our newlywed small group, and we continued in ministry until the day he died.
We could see a difference in the closeness and depth of our marriage relationship compared to other young couples in the church. One couple, married less than a year, shared with us they only got to see each other two nights a week at most because their schedules were filled with outside activities. They were like two singles living in the same house. It wasn’t long until they were asking for us to pray for their marriage.
I’m so grateful that we took that year off to understand and concentrate on each other. It provided a strong foundation to give us a solid biblical marriage and the unity that we needed to minister better together.